When I hear about women who are considering rear augmentation, it lifts me up. The way she flaunts it to no end, the belfies (that’s butt selfies). Those who have been truly blessed (or cursed) with a big butt generally find Kim Kardashian’s ass to be nauseating. As crazy as it sounds, when my hair is up, I feel like I’m giving too much attention to my hips. ![]() When I’m not wearing heels, I feel dumpy. My friends joke that I’m black from the waist down. I’m of European descent but people often ask if I’m Latina, mostly because of my butt. If my butt could talk it would say “Judger, quit looking, you judger!” They’re either fascinated or disgusted, maybe even jealous. When I reunited with my best friend after a month apart, the first words out of her mouth were: “I forgot how big your butt is.” There’s meaning behind the phrase “butt of the joke”-it’s impossible to be taken seriously when everyone is taking shots at my ass. My posterior also always manages to become the subject of conversation. MORE: 6 Pieces That’ll Make Your Butt Look Amazing It’s bound to catch on fire or knock over a glass. It’s impossible to move in between tables at a restaurant. ![]() It’s hard to pass through large crowds and squeeze in tight places. Spanx are my pals, but even they seem to get lost in the crevices.Īnd then there are the logistical nightmares that come with having an ample bottom. The only thing I can wear off the rack is black and clothes with stretch. And I won’t even consider wearing pants with pleats.Įuropean designers with their narrow hips and splashy patterns are out of the question. If I can’t show off my waist and legs, then I end up looking like a blob. I buy my dresses and pants multiple sizes bigger to be able to fit my rear, then get the rest taken in by a tailor.īut, no matter how I dress, I somehow always end up looking like a Kardashian. As an adult, I can finally wear clothes that don’t involve spandex, it just involves a lot of extra work. Men aside, my butt and I do face other challenges. One pain in the rear I always endure is the inevitable spanking. It hurts! It still has nerve endings, people. Just because it’s big, doesn’t mean I want something in it. I’m an anal virgin, I’m saving that for marriage. When she wasn’t looking, he nonchalantly copped a feel, without even looking my way.Īll men inevitably beg for anal sex. I agreed to hide the fanny, but he seemed to be able to just sense it was there. “Are you sure it’s real?” he kept asking.Ī friend who was dating the actor Jamie Foxx asked me to wear a long baggy sweater once when we went out with him. Another boyfriend couldn’t decide what he liked more-me or my ass. ![]() Catcalls are a friendly hello-because multiple 311 calls to report harassment won’t change that they happen to me several times a day.Īnd it’s not just strangers-guys I date are amazed by the curve from my waist to my bum. It’s ballsy to cop a feel of a girl’s chest-a guy might get away with an extra-tight hug-but for some reason, people think the ass is up for grabs. I often wonder if it’s intentional or if it’s just in the way. They’re fascinated by it. It doesn’t matter where I am-the subway, the gym, Whole Foods-somehow, guys always manage to graze it. Without them, I would’ve subjected my classmates to plumber’s butt in my sad attempt to squeeze into Abercrombie jeans.īut beyond the issue of clothes, there’s the issue of men and my butt. ![]() I wore a mall girl’s version of Jenny From the Block’s green Versace dress from the 2000 Grammy’s to my prom. Jeggings got me through college. Thunderbutt was my nickname. Luckily, by freshman year of high school, butts were a thing. If J.Lo didn’t blow up during the time I was in middle school, I wouldn’t have survived it with a shred of self-esteem. When I was eight years old, 50 pounds soaking wet, my family joked that I looked like I was wearing a diaper. In fact, the lazier I am, the smaller it gets, and softer, and just a bit saggy. They can’t. The more I squat, the more it grows. When you have a big butt, people throw that word at you a lot. I’ve learned to ignore trainers who claim they can work it out. I work out four times a week, and most would say I’m fit-but my butt ain’t going anywhere. To celebrate, we’re dedicating the week to all things ass-inspired-famous celebs with Internet-breaking booties, specialized workout plans, style tips, random trivia, confidence-boosters, and more. No matter what you call it-booty, junk in the trunk, cake, bootius maximus, or round derrière-there’s no denying butts are having an especially, well, big moment right now.
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